No kisses for you

[hridika]

My border collie x aussie mix rescue is around 3 yrs old, we have had her 1 yr now. She HATES face to face anything. Especially when you try to give her kisses. I know they aren't people, but humans feel a connection when you receive kisses. Our other dogs always gave kisses. But I believe she was abused and shy's away when your face gets too close to hers, even when putting on the collar, bending to tie my shoes, petting her chest, as soon as you get a certain distance she turns away. I understand this is her showing she's not comfortable, but is there anything I can do to help this? Other than patience? I am sure she knows she's safe now and is not getting hurt in anyway, and gets fed, water and lots of training and walks. Is this normal for some dogs to not want the face to face contact? I know it's quite an dominant move. I also make sure I don't smile when that close, so she doesn't see my teeth and take that as a threat. Any ideas? I got one very tiny quick kiss on the chin ONCE when she was super crazy excited to see me. But she does to show us "affection" (?) by sniffing our faces instead, when we aren't paying attention.

[Adrienne Farricelli]

This is a tricky situation.

I would suggest skipping any hugs and kisses for now and start instead with some easier tasks that involve bending. The reason being, that, while it is possible to work on changing the dog's emotions about a lot things, the risks at stake in trying to get a dog to tolerate kisses are too high.

 

Let me explain: dogs perceive hugs and kisses in a different way compared to humans. It's not like dogs don't like us, it's just that hugging and kissing are human behaviors that dogs may not fully understand, even if we do so with good intent.

 

When a dog is kissed, it means bringing our faces very close to the dog's face, and this is something that not all dogs are comfortable with. From a dog's perspective, putting our face close to their faces and plastering them a kiss on the nose, mouth or forehead, may put the dog on the defensive, perhaps because they may perceive it as an attempt to bite. Add to the equation the fact, that, as humans, we also like to add smooching sounds, something dogs do not understand, and you may have the perfect recipe for a defensive bite.

 

On top of that, when we kiss our dogs, we may also wrap our arms around them which removes the dog's "flight' option" (the ability to leave). When we hug and kiss dogs, we may therefore put ourselves at risk for a defensive bite to the face which can be very dangerous.

 

Studies have shown that bending over a dog, putting the face close to the dog's face and making eye contact (all behaviors taking place in combination when kissing a dog), these behaviors often led to bites directed towards the central area of the face.

 

Dogs may respond differently to being kissed and hugged. Some dogs show pretty obvious signs of disliking it, others just tolerate them. Some dog owners claim that their dogs seem to really enjoy it, but is that the real picture? In some cases, dogs may be showing very subtle signs of discomfort that go unnoticed.

 

Sure, snarling, growling and snapping are pretty obvious signs that are quite easy to understand, however, according to a study, low-intensity warning signals of discomfort such as yawning, nose licking, turning the head and showing "whale eyes" are often not recognized, even by adult care takers.

 

While conditioning her to be kissed is something that may be too risky at this point, it may be possible though as a starting point to work on changing the emotional response towards behaviors that do not put your face so close to hers and take away her ability to turn her head or move away. Changing the emotional response requires keeping your dog under threshold using once again desensitization and counterconditioning. Now a disclaimer is needed here: for safety and correct implementation, this should be exclusively done with the in-person help of a dog behavior professional because there are always some risks when working with dogs and safety is paramount.

 

So how would behavior modification be rolled out in such a case?

 

So for example, if your dog doesn't like when you bend to tie your shoes, with your dog at a distance, you can bend a little bit and toss a treat. Rinse and repeat. Bend a little more, and toss a treat, rinse and repeat, bend to touch your shoe and toss a treat, rinse and repeat, bend to touch your shoe longer and toss a treat, rinse and repeat, then try pretend to tie your shoe and toss a jackpot of treats (several treats tossed together). Once she is done eating, stop tying your shoes. You want her to understand that treats happen only when you are performing shoe-tying behaviors. Repeat several times, until your dog start to look forward to you bending down because she has associated your action with treats.

 

If you want to change your dog's emotional response towards putting on the collar, with the help of professional, you may do an exercise as such:

- Equip yourself with high-value treats

-Place the collar in the middle of the floor and the moment your dog goes to sniff it, say "yes" or click your clicker, immediately followed by a treat. Repeat several times.

-Hold the collar in one hand and food in the other. Keep the collar behind your back. Show it and the moment your dog sniffs the collar, immediately say "yes" or click your clicker and give a treat. Put the collar behind your back once done eating and repeat. What we are trying to do here is make it clear that the collar is what brings the treats and once the treat is eaten the collar disappears too. Once your dog gets used to seeing the collar and actually is eager to see it because he has associated it with treats (a positive conditioned emotional response) you can progress.

-Take the unbuckled collar and make it touch your dog's neck for a split second and treat at the same time. Touch the neck and treat; touch the neck and treat. Do this several times until your dog looks forward to being touched with the collar.

-Next, place the collar on the neck and continue the touch neck and treat; touch neck and treat. Finally, try to briefly make the two ends of the collar touch while your dog is busy eating treats. Remove once done eating. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

-Try again to briefly make the two ends of the collar touch while your dog is busy eating treats. Remove once she is done. Finally, try to pretend you are buckling it on while your dog is busy eating treats. Remove once she is done eating.

Try again to pretend you are buckling it on and give treats. This time though buckle it for real but very loose. Give treats and repeat.

Now buckle it snug enough that two fingers are in between. Make a big deal of it, tell her how good he looks in it and give lots of treats.

 

Of course, these are just some general examples of behavior modification. Each dog may need a more individualized approach (perhaps needing smaller steps, intermediate steps or alternate steps) based on how the dog responds. More or less sessions may be needed based on several factors. If at any time the dog gives signs of discomfort, it's indicative that we have progressed too fast and need to go back a few steps or make the steps smaller. Further safety precautions may be needed if the dog has a history of aggression or shows signs of stress.

 

It's a smart move on your part to not smile when you are close to your dog so she doesn't perceive that as a threat.

 

If you like her to "kiss" you on the chin, praise her for that when so do it naturally (or even better, "capture it" in other words verbally mark it "yes!" and give a treat right afterwards) so that she understands it's appreciated. This may allow her to take more initiative.

 

However, keep in mind that sometimes shy dogs may do what Jennifer Shryock, a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant, calls a “Kiss to Dismiss,” basically, a facial lick the dog does to ask for distance. However, in general you would notice tense body language and this tends to take place when the dog feels somebody is pestering them and they want that person to move away.

Edited September 5, 2019 by Adrienne Farricelli