Feeling like a failure

[renos2us]

My spouse has overwhelming anxiety/depression and after much research we decided on a Golden Retriever hoping it would notice her anxiety and help her. A female, we named Alabaster Oil - Abby for short. Where I first failed is in getting her from a pet store instead of direct from a breeder or someone who could've given me good 1-on-1 info about puppies; she was just over 3 months old - now almost 5 months. Having never had a puppy, this transition in some ways has been worse than having a baby, but in other ways has been great. She is pure-bred and very smart. How do I feel I failed now? I didn't do enough research to understand how much it would take to teach her. For example, because I got her at a pet store, she wasn't potty trained. She doesn't poop inside, but she still has at least 1 pee accident a day. There are no tell-tell signs - we've watched. She'll be laying quietly with a chew toy and then walk to another and on her way, stop and pee. I do not have thousands to spend - or I would've purchased a fully trained comfort/support dog. She learned to climb the 3 flights of stairs in a few hours (dummy me, only used common sense approach, no one told me other than she won't like stairs) since we live in apartment housing. It only took 2 weeks for us to get her to go into her crate at bedtime and not cry every 2 hours to go out and a week after that, we moved her to another room and she goes straight into it at night - no problems. So after researching and finding this program, I thought it would help me because she's started to nip at both of us particularly while she cuts teeth and jumps up while on the leash to grab and hold it while we walk outside. She pulls at the leash, growls at it and shakes like "tug of war". We stopped playing any tug games the first time she accidentally got our hands/arms. I understand the negative statements like no or scolding her can create a "any attention is better than none" - but she gets all our attention. I literally have been working with her to recognize she eats dinner at this time while we watch news and then we play for 1 full hour - which she typically tires out way before it's up, but she does negative things to get attention like nipping at us with her ball or chew bone in her mouth. She nipped at my spouse's face while they were playing and although she almost immediately licked her, it has caused my spouse to believe she may not like her. My spouse has helped her eat the last couple weeks while her teeth were falling out. Abby wouldn't eat much, if at all the last couple weeks and so my spouse would sit by her, encourage her and even hand feed her to help her and she found that Abby will calm some when her neck or tummy is rubbed so my spouse began doing that to help her while she's teething more. They have a good relationship from what I can see except when Abby gets playful or wants to play with us instead of around us. She does nip/soft bite both of us when we play with toys. I need to get the nip/biting and jumping eliminated, but I'm not sure I understand where to start.

I had already taught her to sit and she does this on-command verbally inside - I've added a hand signal based on the 2 days of off/on reading of this program and have started to do that outside in an effort to try to discourage the "rip my arm off" tug on the leash. Using this program she learned the "lay down" in just a few minutes, but I noted whenever she gets excited, she doesn't respond well so I know this will take more work.

Where and what should I do about the tugging the leash; jumping up (whether using collar or harness) and taking the leash into her mouth at my hand and continuing to jump or tug-of-war it outside while going to potty? Where do I start on the stop nipping/biting?

I believe your program will really help me, but as a first time puppy owner it is difficult. Abby is a good dog and we both agree on that, it's just this stage has been very difficult and I don't want to have to give her up because I believe she will help my spouse - she's had some opportunities already and done well.

BTW - I work from home - her crate is in my office and she stays with me almost all day in my office, but not in her crate. I don't want her to have to be a "crate" dog and feel very strongly about that, but I do understand it's necessary during training.

Any advice will be well received.

[Adrienne Farricelli]

Hello and welcome to the forums!

Please do not feel like a failure, actually, many of the behaviors you are describing are very common in puppies of this age and countless dog owners ask for help for the same issues you are facing! Indeed, if you do a search on this forum you will find lots of puppy owners going through all the things you have described. Owning a puppy is sort of like having a baby, puppies need loads of redirection and they can be a handful.

 

So let's take a closer insight in some of the behaviors you are facing.

 

Pee accidents:

 

You mentioned she is having potty accidents, at least one pee accident a day. That's not really that bad, especially from a puppy coming from a pet store. Believe it or not, you have just mentioned an actual sign of a dog needing to go potty. Indeed, many dogs when they need to potty will stop playing and walk away to wee. This because they have an instinct to not pee where they eat, drink, play or sleep. People call this a denning instinct. Now, if you lived in home with easy access to a yard, you could quickly redirect her as soon as she walks away from her toy to join you in the yard and get her to potty, but it sounds like you live in an apartment so the extra seconds it would take to walk down would likely not work to prevent the accident.

 

It may help to write down when she is most likely to have these accidents and prevent them by taking her out like 15-20 minutes prior. Also, make sure to use enzyme based cleaners to clean up her messes to prevent her from establishing an indoor potty area that smells like "bathroom" to her. Also consider the area where she is when these accidents happen. If she in a small area by the door (like gated off with a baby gate or pet gate), it may be easier for her to navigate towards the door and alert her need to potty than if she is in a very large room far away from the door.

 

Next, let's focus on her tugging on the leash:

 

It sounds like your pup is playing with the leash. In order to succeed in reducing this behavior, you will have to explore ways to make engaging games and activities extra rewarding so that she chooses these activities over playing tug with the leash. I will provide some tips for curbing this behavior. Often, when dealing with this behavior it helps to take a multi-faceted approach, in other words, we tackle it from different angles. It may also take trying different methods to see what works best. So here are some tips.

 

-Exercise: Make sure your dog receives a sufficient amount of exercise and mental stimulation during the day. Dogs who are exercised and provided training and mental stimulation (brain games) are less tempted to engage in undesired behaviors because their needs are met. It can be overwhelming at first knowing where to start, but the good news is that once you start, you're then on a roll and it all gets easier from there. You can start working through the Training 101 exercises and work your way through the brain games following the order in which they are presented, however, you may find it helpful skipping through some training exercises and brain games to use some particular ones that come particularly handy for the issues you are facing. You may also find that your dog prefers some brain games compared to others or that some are more suitable for your dog. This is fine. Go with what your dog seems to enjoy.

 

Provide Interactive Toys: These are toys that often contain food or treats and make the dog "work" to get the goodies out. These toys can make dogs "picky" about what they want to play with. In other words, over time, the leash may become boring to play with because it doesn't smell like treats and there's nothing to work for. Of course, this is not a quick fix. The leash may still be attractive to some dogs no matter what, but if we use other strategies to make the leash boring, success may be easier to attain.

 

Divert With Treats: When you are on walks, you can divert your dog's attention by playing alternate games. The moment you notice your dog is about to bite the leash, divert her attention, and start tossing some treats on the ground; tell her to "find them!" This can be quite a fun game to play and rewarding if you use hard treats that she can chase around.

 

Divert with Targeting: hand targeting(or using a target stick) is an easy game to play with and if you train it fluently at home, chances are, once on leash in the yard, your dog may choose to engage on this activity versus tugging with the leash if you use high-value treats. However, your dog may go onto going back to leash tugging the moment you stop the targeting exercise, so you may need to do several reps in a row to keep her focus off the leash. Here you can find how to train targeting:

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/members/brain-training/preschool/targeting/

 

Divert with attention-heeling: this may take some time to master, but is another exercise you can train and it can turn helpful in redirecting your pup to this rather than leash tugging. The best part is that you'll be training a great behavior that can turn helpful in many scenarios (e.g. when walking past distractions etc). You can find how to train attention heeling here:

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/members/brain-training/obedience-101/heeling-attention-heeling/

 

Be patient: You should expect a few "bumps" along the road. Your dog may revert to her old leash biting antics every now and then, but this is normal. If you persist in rewarding the alternate behaviors with high-value treats, you should see a gradual and steady increase in the desired behaviors and a gradual decrease in leash biting.

 

Avoid Pulling: Avoid pulling the leash out of your dog's mouth as this will only create enjoyable resistance. In other words, your dog will enjoy tugging even more. You can try to train though the "Two Leash Method" instead. Basically, use two leashes. When your dog grabs one leash, release it, and use the other (allowing the former to drag); this prevents the creation of tension which lures dogs to bite.

 

-Let your dog carry something. Goldens can be very mouthy dogs and they may enjoy carrying things. Letting your dog carry objects (tennis ball, toy) while walking can help reduce the leash tugging behavior.

 

-Change texture. Many dog owners have had success reducing leash tugging by slipping a long piece of PVC pipe over the leash as dogs do not like to bite hard textures. Another options is to invest in a chain leash or adding a lightweight piece of chain to the leash as dogs do not like to bite the texture of the chain.

 

I will be adding shortly tips on the nipping and jumping shortly in a next post.

Edited October 14, 2019 by Adrienne Farricelli

[Adrienne Farricelli]

I literally have been working with her to recognize she eats dinner at this time while we watch news and then we play for 1 full hour - which she typically tires out way before it's up, but she does negative things to get attention like nipping at us with her ball or chew bone in her mouth. She nipped at my spouse's face while they were playing and although she almost immediately licked her, it has caused my spouse to believe she may not like her. My spouse has helped her eat the last couple weeks while her teeth were falling out. Abby wouldn't eat much, if at all the last couple weeks and so my spouse would sit by her, encourage her and even hand feed her to help her and she found that Abby will calm some when her neck or tummy is rubbed so my spouse began doing that to help her while she's teething more. They have a good relationship from what I can see except when Abby gets playful or wants to play with us instead of around us. She does nip/soft bite both of us when we play with toys.

 

It sounds like the nip to the face was play behavior. It may help to not play with her on the floor or with the face too close to hers. Also, prevent over arousal during play. You can still have your dog play and have loads of fun by offering games that are more structured. For example, you mention that she has learned to sit. When she comes towards you with a ball or toy in her mouth, how about asking her to sit and then tossing another ball?

 

Other fun games to play that are structured and may keep her mouth busy and prevent her from nipping are using a flirt pole, hand targeting (reward by tossing kibble/treats at a distance for an extra workout), and many of the brain games. You will find these threads helpful since they are teeming with tips for puppy owners facing similar challenges:

 

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/forum/showthread.php?196-Biting-and-Jumping

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/forum/showthread.php?206-Crazy-puppy!

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/forum/showthread.php?170-Grabbing-and-biting

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/forum/showthread.php?166-Puppy-Jumping-up-Grabbing-me

 

On a side note: interesting behavior of her nipping when she has a ball or chew bone in her mouth! Usually, when the mouth is occupied with these toys, there is little space for the dogs to be able to still nip.

 

Since Abby is 5 months, she is nearing the onset of doggy adolescence. If you feel like as of lately things are getting somewhat more challenging, this can be why! Here is a read on what to expect during the dog teenager stage:

https://www.braintraining4dogs.com/members/archive/survive-dogs-adolescent-stage/

 

Hope this helps! Let me know if you need any further assistance, happy training!

[JMFS]

Aw, not a failure! The fact that you're seeking help means you're on the road to success. :) I am poking my head in to offer encouragement. My older brother's Golden, Stella, was a devil when they first got her. The nipping was out of control. My sister-in-law would walk away and Stella would pull back her lips, furrow her brow, and bite my SIL on the leg. Evil little monster, lol. She was about 5 months old at that point so you're at the stage that they were. I can tell you that now Stella is an amazing Retriever. She and my younger brother's dog, Gordo, were quite the pair during a hunting trip they took this past Winter. She's all grown up into a fine young lady and they did not have the same guidance you're going to have so I can only imagine Abby is going to be an amazing companion for both you and your spouse. :) The day one of our shelters take in a Golden I don't care What my husband says, I'm rescuing - I adore the breed.

[renos2us]

Update -

She's is doing MUCH better with the potty training (peeing in house). I guess I just needed to give it more time. I was consistent from day one, but it was really difficult determining when she needs to go out even though I have logged every time we've gone out or she had an accident in the house to try and figure out a schedule for her. I think my biggest problem was I work from home and don't tend to keep her crated (although she stays in my home office with me) when she's not going down for the night. I just read through some of your topics and started taking her every two hours and after or just before we'd play. It's helped and although I'm hoping she will soon get to where I'm taking her 4-6 times per day out instead of 10-15, I have hope since she's down to less than 10 at this point and hasn't peed in the house in more than 8 days.

I don't have nearly as much time to read all your information as I had hoped, but I try to read something every week that I can work on it and it's helped. I told a few other folks I worked with about the program and they are looking into purchasing too based on what I've shared. I seem to have been doing many things right before having received your training even without having ever had a puppy because I had her sitting well within the first week we got her. Your info helped me teach her to lay down, roll-over and we're working very hard on stay, come, take it/leave it. She is very strong now at +40 lbs and we go next week to have her fixed. I changed to using a halter instead of collar, she was pulling so hard and I was having difficulty getting her to stop (concerned too about her throat) I thought it would help. It has so far and after about a week, she's stopped rubbing against everything trying to take it off. Of course, I took tidbits from your training and applied common sense approach of taking it off unless we were going out, gradually moving to her wearing it all day until ready for bedtime. She still nips and bites. I do think it's done out of playfulness, but it's leaving many bruises and blood occasionally.

I am concerned that she tends to play rougher with my wife. I don't know if it's because she's shorter and Abby when standing on her back paws can easily reach my wife's chest, so you can imagine where she can reach when playing. I've been working really hard and gotten her to drop her ball for me to throw it or my wife, but what I've noticed is she will drop it for my wife and as my wife attempts to get the ball, Abby will snatch at it and that's how we're getting "caught" in the bite. Or Abby will try to push the toy into us while she's chewing/biting on it resulting in her teeth getting our skin. I noticed when my wife would say, drop the ball or I won't play, she'd drop it and wait, so we started doing that - but if she's really wanting to play, she pushes the ball/bone into us and nips regardless of what I do. I'm just trying to trade it with toys, but kind of hard to do (trade bites for toys) when Abby is reaching up nipping and catching my wife's shirts or worse, skin between her legs. I'm struggling to break that and want to before she gets much older.

One other thing - every time we're playing and I tell Abby yes, good girl and she finishes her treat, she's started humping me. I try to tell her no, push her off and walk away, but she'll even do it regardless of me facing her or not. It seems like she's doing it because she's excited about my praising her, but I don't know.

This is all a huge learning experience and although my wife has applied something's to raising her kids, Abby can still be a handful. She minds for the most part very well and shows her interest to want to do good/right, but I am thinking I need to add something that will stimulate her more too and away from nipping.

Thank you both Jennifer and Adrienne - your help was well received!

Kim

[Adrienne Farricelli]

Hello, thank you for the update. It is deeply appreciated! It looks like you are progressing nicely and that your dog has learned so much in just about a month. I will provide some thoughts and answer your concerns in order.

 

I'm hoping she will soon get to where I'm taking her 4-6 times per day out instead of 10-15, I have hope since she's down to less than 10 at this point and hasn't peed in the house in more than 8 days.

 

If it's 8 days without accidents, then that sounds very promising considering your dog's history and the fact that you live in an apartment.

 

Since she's close to six months now, has she gone into heat yet? Just wondering, because it sounds like she is going out a lot (you mention 10-1 times) and this can be because her instincts to mate are kicking in and she may want to urine mark to advertise her reproductive status/availability. If it's a hormone-based behavior, the good news is that it should decline as the hormones get out of her system. It might be worthy of mentioning this frequency to the vet though, just in case, if your dog happens to pee this often and in little amounts as sometimes this can be a sign of UTI (urinary tract infection).

 

I've been working really hard and gotten her to drop her ball for me to throw it or my wife, but what I've noticed is she will drop it for my wife and as my wife attempts to get the ball, Abby will snatch at it and that's how we're getting "caught" in the bite.

 

A quick fix for this would be to gather several balls (they can be found quite cheaply in some stores) and rather than having your wife risking getting her fingers injured as Abby tries to snatch it, have her toss another ball that she's kept behind her back.

 

Or Abby will try to push the toy into us while she's chewing/biting on it resulting in her teeth getting our skin. I noticed when my wife would say, drop the ball or I won't play, she'd drop it and wait, so we started doing that - but if she's really wanting to play, she pushes the ball/bone into us and nips regardless of what I do. I'm just trying to trade it with toys, but kind of hard to do (trade bites for toys) when Abby is reaching up nipping and catching my wife's shirts or worse, skin between her legs. I'm struggling to break that and want to before she gets much older.

 

I have seen this behavior in dogs who want to chew something, and by placing it against a person's body, they try to get better leverage so that can use their back teeth more effectively. I wonder if she may be doing this? Hard to day without seeing the behavior. If so, you can try this: as soon as she does this behavior, point away and say "off," and if she doesn't, get up and leave. With time, she should learn that this behavior yields nothing. Eventually, she might give up and decide to chew it by lying down in another area.

 

 

One other thing - every time we're playing and I tell Abby yes, good girl and she finishes her treat, she's started humping me. I try to tell her no, push her off and walk away, but she'll even do it regardless of me facing her or not. It seems like she's doing it because she's excited about my praising her, but I don't know.

 

Dogs can hump for a variety a reasons, but if it seems to happen contingent upon the praise, you are right, it is suggestive that she may overstimulated due to excess energy or excitement. Sometimes, it may also happen that the humping may just be a sign of a cranky, tired puppy. Just like tired toddlers, puppies may start to misbehave when they are in dire need for a nap.

 

Regardless, it's sure annoying, especially when moving triggers more humping as you walk away. If the praise is therefore truly the factor, you try can to:

 

-Modify the tone of your praise. I know that praise said in an enthusiastic tone can motivate many dogs and induce them to party, but for some dogs prone to being overstimulated easily, certain tones can really rev them up. So you can try to send the message across using a calmer tone or you can try to whisper it or (even truncate it) and see if that doesn't trigger the response.

-You can try to toss your treat at a distance rather than hand feeding it. The fact she's farther away from you might not make you a target as if you're standing right next to her.

-Catch her before she even thinks about it. As soon as you praise/toss treat, and notice she's about to come towards you, toss another treat without any praise) and then another and then another to get rid of that excess enthusiasm/energy and channel her brain in something else. You can even use her kibble for this exercise.

-You can also just skip the praise altogether temporarily until she calms down a tad bit and she is better under control (which comes with more training). Which brings to the next tip: start implementing more impulse control exercises so that she learns to engage in calmer behaviors.

 

For example, have her sit nicely for her meals, have her sit by the door before going on a walk, have her sit nicely when putting on the leash. Don't lower the food bowl, don't open the door, don't snap the leash on, until she has her rear on the floor. Also engage her in more brain games. It's good to interact with dogs in play and be a part of it, but it's also good encouraging independence and using games that tires a dog's brain and provides outlets for instinctive behaviors such as putting the nose to work, searching and scavenging.

 

Hope this helps, keep us posted and feel free to ask any clarifications/questions!

Best,

Adrienne

Edited November 15, 2019 by Adrienne Farricelli