Puppy blues

[J]

I'm so glad I found this site- the forum has been so helpful to read, but I thought I'd share something I haven't read on here yet (and that could just be because I don't have the energy to scroll through all the pages to find it). 

I have a 7 month old mixed breed. I love her so much...but right now only when she's asleep and not getting into trouble. I've heard that this age is tough for a lot of owners, but I don't think I could have prepared for how mentally and emotionally draining it would really be. Even with private lessons and tirelessly trying my best to be consistent, I probably cry once a week just praying for her to grow up already. 

I've felt so guilty, like the only way this feeling would make sense is if I was just a terrible owner. Then I read this article and it helped me realize this feeling is normal. I thought I'd share it here incase you want to check it out. I'm not sure if sharing the link is against the forum rules, so the name of the article is "A truth no one tells you: you will hate your dog sometimes (and it's okay)" on pawsitvelygenius. Does anybody else relate or have a story to share? We'll get through this nightmare together!

[Adrienne]

Hello and welcome to your forum,

I hear you. It does get frustrating at times and we may have moments of feeling helpless and emotionally drained. We do need take breaks every now and then-we are only human. This is also why we have a forum, to offer support to each other and find ways to make our lives easier. 

I have gone through this multiple times. I sometimes must admit, I looked for it-when offering to volunteer for a shelter I often asked to foster dogs that were a "challenge" and deemed difficult to adopt. I ended up having no life-sleeping on the couch because the dog couldn't be crated nor left unsupervised until trained, going through bruises and scratches due to over nippy dogs, having to separate my dogs and almost totally ignore them for weeks on end (luckily my hubby took care of them!) as the problem dog absorbed every bit of energy I had.

It can get very tiring. Although I wanted to help in fostering as much as I could, I had to take breaks from it after some time due to the emotional toll and the accumulation of compassion fatigue. We do our best and what we can. It's not easy and my heart goes out to all of those going through these challenges. 

Thank you for bringing up this important subject. 

[Krysta]

Appreciate you sharing this article J, this article was extremely relatable.  I have an almost 5 month old soft-coated wheaten terrier (some days it's affectionately "wheaten terror") puppy.  I've had my meltdowns and moments of feeling like the worst dog mom, even though I have the best intentions and know my little guy has an amazing life.  During one emotional episode, triggered by multiple pictures of puppies lovingly licking/kissing their owners faces while mine only wants to bite my face off, I was sure we got the broken dog out of the liter (irrational thoughts during stressful moments are so fun!)   Every article or YouTube video I'd watch contained these mellow, manageable pups that listened by the second try, while I was dealing a stubborn-hand-biting-obsessed-tasmanian devil. It seems that hardly anyone wants to talk about the tough days of puppy life and the toll it takes on the owner. 

Adrienne, I signed up for your site about a week ago and we have made enormous strides already. I can't thank you enough.  I was overwhelming myself with videos and articles, trying to fix behavioral issues and not making much progress due to my head swirling with different methods and doubt.  Your approaches are clear, simple and effective.  My pup absolutely LOVES target practice - probably because he gets an abundance of his favorite treats during this training - but the amount of self control he's gained out of this routine has become a life/hand saver during his energy filled, chaotic moments.  It's become clear he WANTS more mental stimulation; he politely sits on our training rug when he wants to show off his new skills.  Your troubleshooting notes and forum feedback also provide heaps of help. My little guy got too smart during "leave it" training, showing zero interest in the dropped treat and immediately turning his attention to what was behind my back.  After searching the forum and seeing your feedback to a similar issue we've moved on to learning "leave it" (and "drop it") w/real life situations- safe things like washcloths and shoes. Progress is slowly being made but if I've learned anything in the past several months, patience is key to everything. We'll get there as long as we stay consistent! 

Bringing this full circle, thank you Adrienne for making the last week meltdown free thanks to your expertise.  I know there will soon be a day that breaks this streak, but I now  have the tools and resources to deal with whatever chaos the little guy throws my way, thanks to your site. 🙂

[Adrienne]

Hi Krysta,

Welcome to he forums!

Myself and many dog trainers often struggle with these videos of owners kissing and hugging their dogs (and my biggest pet peeve, children riding dogs as if they were miniature ponies) because they set a bad example. It's unfortunate, but many dogs don't share our love for such close interactions. Sure, many dogs will tolerate an occasional hug or kiss, and a few more might even enjoy it somewhat if they were conditioned to them from a young age, but the risks at stake can be high in a dog who we barely know or a dog we know who misinterprets our intent or just isn't comfortable with certain interactions.

Puppies will bite noses as if our noses shouldn't belong there and while they can play "bitey face" with other pups, we can't afford that sort of game with our sensitive skin. 

I am glad you are finding targeting so helpful for your nippy pup. Targeting and carrying a flirt pole with me are my favorite approaches with young "crocopups." 

Yes, consistency and patience are very important. Puppies are a lot like children, they need time to absorb everything and we may sometimes fail to notice that change is actually happening in small ways. Perhaps the puppy isn't constantly biting any more but is engaging more and more with games we are offering, or there is a gradual, yet steady decrease in pee accidents around the house. 

Change takes some time to occur and some setbacks are to be expected along the way. After all, how easy is it for us to make changes in our diets, spending habits or time spent on social media? These are challenges many of us struggle with all the time. However, if we keep things positive and remember to look for those small victories, it all gradually adds up to big changes. 

Happy training and best wishes for a wonderful 2021!

 

 

[FrederykBlot]

Hello,

I putting back an old thread because I just arrived in this community, and this puppy blues thing got me right in the face, full speed !

We have our little Loki (seeable in the Canine picture thread) since a bit less than 3 weeks, and I must confess, it had been the hardest weeks of my life.

I had a family dog while young, raised by my parents as I was too young, so I always wanted to live with dogs. But raising a puppy on your own is another story. Sooooo much thing are unexpected, even when you spent the whole month before watching every YouTube video on Canine education.

They tell you to wake at night for potty training, but they don't tell you that the sleep deprivation will get the best of you at the end of the day
They tell you not to go to a whining / yelping puppy in their crate, but at the time you can't feel how hard it would be to hear your puppy cry in distress during never-ending minutes
They tell you to redirect the biting and nipping, but they won't tell there will be time you won't have treats available, or he wouldn't get interested in the toy

First week was bearable because at first he was so shy and not familiar with the environment that he was discreet.
Then confidence comes, and the true puppy life is starting.
And the second week was unbearable to me. We crate train quick but didn't sleep in our room at the beginning to be nearer to him.
I had much sleep deprivation because of potty training.
I don't go to sleep at the same time as my wife because we decided I would do the night potty, and morning session, and she will do the bedtime

Happens the day I didn't know about over stimulation. He was already cranky, and bity... And I tried to exercise him more, and tried some training that didn't do, while he was just trying to nip my hand, my foot, my sweat, and everything that wasn't his toys... Just felt so lost, inable to do a thing, and my wife came and I was like "please switch with me, I can't take it anymore". I fled the scene, just for her to send a Whatsapp message less than 5 min later "I just sat at my desk to check my mails, and he fell asleep at my chair"

Reading this, I just burst into tears like a toddler, panting, during almost 10 mins with thoughts like "what did I do ?" , "I'm not ready for that", "this was a mistake"
And disregarding any sexism that can exists, I did that while being a 37 yo man, who made martial arts and competitive baseball... KO'd by a 5 kgs puppy

 

Then you learn, and adapt. You learn that overstimulation is a thing, and you learn that enforced nap in crate is way to go about that.
First time he would whine, cry, yelp, for almost 10 min. Then the next day you watch for over stimulation signs... and he whines only 5 min
And then you can sleep back into your own bedroom because bedtime went smooth enough
And then you get a 10pm to 5am night

New challenges always come, but little victories also come. And the worst of puppy blues passes.
For anxious parent like me, I don't expect a total ease-of-mind anytime soon, but the days get better and better, specially with good guidance that I find here

This message is just me sharing, because I guess I needed to, and wanted to... And just say that puppy blues is a real thing, but puppy blues pass, even when you hit a rock bottom point that made you feel it wouldn't.

 

 

 

[JMFS]

3 hours ago, FrederykBlot said:

Happens the day I didn't know about over stimulation. He was already cranky, and bity... And I tried to exercise him more, and tried some training that didn't do, while he was just trying to nip my hand, my foot, my sweat, and everything that wasn't his toys... Just felt so lost, inable to do a thing, and my wife came and I was like "please switch with me, I can't take it anymore". I fled the scene, just for her to send a Whatsapp message less than 5 min later "I just sat at my desk to check my mails, and he fell asleep at my chair"

Reading this, I just burst into tears like a toddler, panting, during almost 10 mins with thoughts like "what did I do ?" , "I'm not ready for that", "this was a mistake"
And disregarding any sexism that can exists, I did that while being a 37 yo man, who made martial arts and competitive baseball... KO'd by a 5 kgs puppy

Yes!  I am pretty good with the training and didn't go through all this with Momo, who was 16 weeks when I got him.  Gertrude was 9 months and in fairly good control of her toileting needs.  A few accidents here and there, but never poop.  Momo pooped once and we spent most of our time outdoors so he learned quickly where to go.  Here comes Esther . . ..  I feel like a newbie!  Not only had she managed to somehow sneak into the dining room, but she then dragged her rear on the floor.  And who knows how long the Other poop had been there (I'm telling you, she's Always being watched - she had to have teleported) only to be dragged by the robo vac.  Thankfully it didn't get far, but still . . . gah! All this encouragement I've given to new members over the years I've been here I feel I'm needing now.

This Same Freaking Thing you shared happened to me the other day.  I'd finally met my limit for patience and I said, "I'm done."  My husband said, "if you're done then we're taking her back."  Okay, husband, let's translate woman speak to man speak, lol.  "I'm done," meant, "I need help, I need a break."  So I left him with her and did as you - I fled!  I hadn't had a proper shower in two days - just a quick hosing off - so that's what I did.  After a nice long shower I felt better.  I came upstairs only to get a disparaging look from the husband and, "she Just settled down," because my entry woke the beast.

It makes me kind of bitter towards the people in videos who have these seemingly perfect dogs and this wonderfully symbiotic relationship where they Totally understand one another.  Then I watch some Victoria Stillwell and feel far better about everything, haha.  It's nice to read Adrienne's admission that she's human like the rest of us and has had her moments, too.  ❤  Somehow it's encouraging knowing that even those with the skill and knowledge experience struggles.  I feel less insufficient with Esther after finding this treasure.

[FrederykBlot]

I feel you.

Internet and media are great for information and skill learning but I found the hard way that :

- you can read so many things, all claiming this is good, and this is bad, and discerning the reality in all of that can be difficult and can create much self questioning

- what is shown is usually the best, in the best of world : everyone is happy, puppies are lovely, they all seems to have a perfect solution to a specific problem.. even with difficult dogs, it's always shown as they can "correct" them quick, while in reality, there are always some struggles... but struggles isn't something anyone want to share on Facebook or Instagram, or YouTube

 

Once you get to the point that you accept that you just doing the best you can, with the skills you acquire and the love you have, while accepting making errors, it all become more bearable